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She said it was midwinter… Snowing and quite cold…and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.
They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car’s fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal.
It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date’s concerns about “what is taking so long” with a reply that indeed, she was “freezing her butt off” and in need of some assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
(this story was told on Jay Leno)
Filed neatly under Bad Dates, Letters and tagged ice, pee, poop, tonight show, utah. Comment at THIS SPOT.
from dumbmoments:
Once I was at the apartment of this guy I really like, and he was using the restroom when I really had to use the bathroom too. I couldn’t wait for him to finish, and I didn’t know what to do, so I just dropped my pants and crapped right there on the floor, and I swear I was going to pick it up with a paper towel and throw it away, but right then he came out of the bathroom. I threw a pillow over my crap and hoped he wouldn’t notice. Unfortunately he knew something was up, so he picked up the pillow and there was my crap. He was like, “What the Hell is this”, and I was so scared that I just made up this story. I said “Your dog just ran in here and pooped on the floor, but I didn’t want the dog to be embarrassed so I covered it up.” And he said “I don’t have a dog, I think you’re lying”. And I’m thinking gee what tipped you off. So he knew it was me, and he picked up the poop and he threw it at me. So I said “I guess this means we aren’t having dinner?” So I had to leave covered in my own poop. Oddly enough I did hear from him a few days later when he called to ask if I would pay the bill for the carpet cleaning he had to have. Then he asked out my twin sister, and told her the story. Now they are getting married, and I have to be in the wedding, and they sent me a diaper to wear under my dress. Oh my gosh, I wish I could die. — Anne
Filed neatly under Bad Dates, Letters and tagged bathroom, crap, dogs, poop. Comment at THIS SPOT.