Communication is key
We had started communicating via text. The online platform that we were on, just wasn't allowing for a free flowing way for us to chat. He was really witty and creative in the way that he would joke around and I found myself relating in many aspects. He finally became comfortable enough to ask me out on a date. I accepted and we started planning.
We landed on a simple coffee date at Starbucks.
He originally asked if I could meet him at his house so we could drive to Starbucks together. I declined this option and said I would meet him at the shop. It was a mid-week date and the Starbucks was close to work. So, just before I left work, I sent him a text that I was on my way.
Now, for some reason when I put the address in my GPS, I ended up in a neighborhood.
I quickly pulled over and realized that where I was supposed to be was 15 minutes from where I currently was. This was going to make me 5 minutes late. So, I sent him another quick text and said I would be 5 minutes late, but I'm on my way.
When I arrived, I saw that it was a drive-thru Starbucks with a small seating area located outside. This was not ideal because it was a cold winter evening. Plus, no one was sitting there. I figured at this point that he has stood me up since I hadn't heard anything from him in the last 20 minutes or even after my 2 recent texts. I decided to make the most of it. I ordered a drink and while it was being made, I used the restroom.
I sat down with my drink and started making new plans for the evening. My coworker had mentioned that if the date didn't go well, there was a great TJ Maxx down the street, and so that's where I was planning to go. Until I got a text that said,
"You weren't there. I go".
Let's not forget that there was great grammar up until this point. "I go" is not a good sign. Anyway, I asked where he went, why he left when I was only 5 minutes late and had sent him a message to that fact. He said that when he didn't see me there, he just went back home. At this point, I just didn't know what to say and just sat there finishing my drink with the current plan to hit up TJ Maxx on my mind.
About 5 minutes later he texts and says that he is on his way back. This is how our conversation went once he arrived. All through text:
Him: "I'm here."
Me: "Okay. Great. I'm sitting at the tables in the back. You'll see me. There's only one other group of people here."
Him: "I'm by my car."
Me: "Okay. See you in a sec."
Him: "Please. Can you come to my car?"
Me: "I don't go to strangers cars. Listen, if you don't want to meet me that is fine. I'll just go home."
Him: "I come."
Finally he walks over. He looks at the group of people that I am sitting close to and asks me if we can move further away. We get situated and as I begin to talk to him and ask questions, I realize that he may not understand what I am saying. On top of that, he is asking me questions in Spanish. It quickly dawns on me.
This guy doesn't speak English.
I'll let you in on a little fact about me. I tend to date Hispanic men. This means that sometimes the guys will have an accent if they were born in a country outside of the US, and may not have a complete grasp of the English language. I don't mind it and actually enjoy the accent and I've learned some Spanish in the process. BUT never have I ever communicated with a guy for any length of time and come to meet him and he doesn't speak English.
So, when I realized that we couldn't really understand each other, I used lots of miming, and finally got him to understand my question which was, "How is this going to work between you and I? We can barely understand each other." His response was quite endearing. He said in a mix of mostly Spanish and some English, that if two people love each other enough that they can make it work. This poor guy.
I'm sure that is true in a lot of cases, but ain't nobody got time.
He did say that he knows that his English is not good and he is embarrassed to actually speak English around native speakers. That's why he wanted me to come to his car and move away from the group of people that were sitting outside. At this point, I felt bad and stayed and talked to him for probably another 20 minutes or so. After awhile though, it became too frustrating and so I excused myself and said that I needed to go. He walked me to my car and asked if he could see me again. I chickened out and answered, "I don't know. Let me think about it." He gave me a hug and off we went our separate ways.
He did end up texting me and asked me to go out again and that's when I told him that it just wasn't going to work.
This is why you're single:
- You are not a good communicator...
- You leave a date before it even starts...
- You have a good heart, but the other person isn't willing to spend the time to get through hurdles to get to know you...
I've thought about how good his English was in writing and how poor it was in person and I can actually understand it. I can write and read Spanish way better than I can speak it. I'm actually terrible at speaking Spanish, but write it out, and most likely I can read what it says. It's interesting how the mind works. This date really taught me that I have to talk to people on the phone. Not to see if they can speak English, but to see how they communicate. This is a big part of any lasting relationship.
Are you wondering if I went to TJ Maxx at the end of my date? The answer is yes...yes I did. :)