Secrets don't make friends
He picked me up for our first date and we headed to a local billiard house.
This particular venue had a restaurant and billiards under one roof. We decided to sit and eat dinner first. Before the server came to our table, he asked me what I was going to order. Once the server arrived, he first ordered for me and then ordered for himself. I thought that was quite nice as that had never been done for me before. It gave me a sense that he was willing to take of me.
We finished dinner and headed to the pool tables. We each were snobs about picking out the right pool cue; nothing too curved, the felt tip could not be worn off and it had to be weighted just right. After a moment of showing off our pool cue knowledge, we started our game. We played the best out of 3 and placed a bet where the loser had to give the winner a kiss. Definitely a win-win situation, except that I like to win. But as close as the games were, he ended up winning the series. He was awarded his winnings, dropped me off at home and the evening was over.
It was a really great evening. One that has stayed with me as a top 10 best date.
The next morning, he called me while we were on our way to our respective jobs. It was a nice distraction from driving in the 405 traffic. I don't recall every conversations exactly, but I just know from then on he would always call in the morning, in his car on the way to work.
A couple months in, after seeing each other many times, we planned our first long day trip together. Our destination was Coronado Island in San Diego. He lived about an hour from me and was on the way to San Diego. So, our plan was for me to drive to him and then he'd drive us to San Diego.
At this point, he had always driven to me and this would be the first time that I would be coming to his house.
When I arrived, the gate to his driveway was closed. I called him to let him know that I was there and asked if I could park in the driveway. He made up some believable excuse as to why I couldn't park in his driveway and asked me if I could park on the street. Meanwhile, there was a man peeking out from the garage (that was not my guy) looking at me as if trying to figure out who I was.
I drove around and eventually found parking just around the corner. As I was walking up to his house, he was already there to meet me outside and trying to rush me back towards my car. I asked him, what was wrong and he said that his brother and mom were asking too many questions and he just wanted to get out of there. I thought that was strange, but brushed it off and asked where his car was. He said it was back at the house; to which I replied with, "Well then we are headed in the wrong direction."
Long story short, he was expecting me to drive, even though we had a plan. I told him that I don't mind if we take my car, but he would need to drive to San Diego and back as we originally agreed upon. He reluctantly took my keys, and said, "Okay, let's go."
In spite of all that drama, we ended up having a great time in San Diego.
Everything was going great, but a few things bothered me. He would only call me in the morning. He would email me occasionally on his work email throughout the day to communicate. I also thought it was strange that I couldn't go into his house and he never invited me over. He also wouldn't answer my phone calls at night.
Except one night when I called multiple times in a row.
He finally answered, but said, "Hold on a sec". I could hear that he grabbed his keys, went out to his car and sat down inside. He got back on the line and asked me if everything was okay. I told him that I just wanted to talk to him and see how his day was. His answers were super short and he seemed very distracted. I asked him if he was okay and he said he was, but needed to go. He hurried off the phone so fast and outside of his character.
So I tried again a few days later.
Same thing happened - he asked me to hold on, went out to his car, and hurried me off the phone. I didn't think this was a coincidence, so I tried one more time to see what he would do. This time he went out to his car, but then asked me why I keep calling him at night. I told him that it was a normal thing for people to talk at night. It didn't have to be a long conversation.
I asked him why he was in the car. His reaction was so weird. He was so shocked that I knew he was in the car. He asked if I was stalking him. I told him that I'm not stalking him.
I told him that I'm not stalking him. That would require me to leave my home and be sitting outside his home and I don't waste my time like that. When I told him I could hear his keys and the car door opening, he tried to deny that he wasn't in his car. Eventually he admitted that he was in the car and he said it was because he didn't want his mom and brother to hear his conversation. Then I asked him the real question that was on my mind.
"Are you married?"
He hesitated for a moment and then said, "No". That hesitation felt like an eternity. There were too many weird things going on, that I didn't believe that answer one bit. I told him that I don't believe him and gave him the reasons why and told him not to contact me anymore. Being with someone else's man? That's something I don't mess with.
I blocked his number so he couldn't call or text me. The problem with that, is he still had my work information and would call my direct line at work. I finally told him, that he has to stop calling me at work and if he wants to talk to me, he can call me that evening after 5 pm. I unblocked his number, but he never called me.
A year later, he found me on Facebook messenger and messaged me about how he was single now and that he misses me and hopes we can reconnect. So I was right! Finally some closure. I didn't message him back though. I'm not a cheater and I don't knowingly date them.
This is why you're single:
- The person you are dating is not actually single, but married...
- You ignore warning signs...
- You're dating a cheater...
I will never understand cheating. My personality just can't get myself to go there. I kick myself for dating this guy for several months after the signs started showing up. I should have asked the question much sooner and gotten out of that relationship much faster.
What are your thoughts about cheating? Have you ever been in a similar situation?